When your core unconscious patterns emerge, do you greet them with harsh judgement or kindness? How do you engage with your partner’s shadow?
Often, the relationship you have with your own shadow is reflected in how you interact with your partner’s shadow. What we are learning is that a solid foundation of kindness is essential for seeing and healing the tuff stuff that emerges as we excavate the shadow.
What is Shadow? Shadow is anything that we consistently turn away from within ourselves – and anything we don’t want others to see in us. Shadow is our undigested emotions, our maladaptive coping strategies (many that we developed as children), our reactivity, and our deep hurt and pain.
Last January, our shadows emerged big time — almost ending our new marriage. Now, 8 months later our relationship is in the best place it has EVER been, and we are asking ourselves WHY?
As we wonder about this question, 3 main pieces arise:
1. We are facing our shadow. Prior to this, my control issues and Justin’s “peacekeeper” were consistently and unconsciously playing off each other (like a bad game of table tennis). It was not fun. Now we see our patterns and we have the skills to name them when they arise.
2. We are getting regular support to begin to understand and transform these patterns. Will they ever be 100% gone? Not likely, given that they have been around for 30 + years, but we are taking baby steps everyday to be more “at choice” around our behaviors, and less reactive.
3. We are practicing daily kindness and compassion with our own shadow. Instead of harshly judging or rejecting these parts of ourselves, we are empathizing with these very young parts, and as a result we have greater capacity to be kind with each other’s shadow.
We would love to hear what practices you use with your own shadow? For more free videos or to submit a topic, visit: www.DailyRelationship.com.
Lots of love,
Juna & Justin