I feel very vulnerable sharing this video… and I continue to sense the rightness in sharing it as well.
A few things to add: after shooting this video on Sunday, Justin and I took a deep breath and had a big ole’ cry on the mountain. We sobbed. Creating this video offered us a deeper layer of feeling the full completion of our relationship. We also felt the deeper completion of our 5-year-nutty-brave-crazy-ass-project: Daily Relationship. As I am about to post this, I have a fear that people will watch this video and judge us for giving up too early on our marriage. I have a fear that sharing this video is just too vulnerable right now, and that I am not ready/grounded enough to navigate other people’s thoughts, opinions or projections. I have a fear that our video doesn’t adequately show how challenging this whole process was (yes, there was lots of hurt, pain, therapy, blame and lots of second-guessing). I am feeling many fears, breathing through them, letting go of the reins… and I continue to feel that it is time. Time to share. Time to reveal all that has been brewing for the last year of our marriage.
I have learned so much from being in relationship with this amazing man for over 5 years. I have learned to love fully. I learned what it is to choose someone wholeheartedly. I have learned what it is to fully see another human– all parts of them. I have learned about my own shadow parts, how to own them, as well as hold them with care and love. I have learned that, despite all my clever control strategies, there are no guarantees in life– and there is something startlingly liberating about this truth. I have learned that a successful relationship doesn’t necessarily mean that it lasts “forever”– that instead, a successful relationship perhaps means that it has lasted as long it needed to–in order for us each to mine the gems, open and transform in all the ways we most needed to. I am sure I will continue to digest and learn from this potent experience… but one thing I am certain of, Justin Milano is a phenomenal man and I am so fortunate to have been his partner for 5-beautiful-transformational-challenging-as-all-hell-incredible-unforgettable-hilarious-years.
So grateful to all of you– friends, family, Daily Relationship followers– who so fully supported our love. Thank you.