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It can be so easy to focus on relationship challenges, dramas and issues, but how often do we take the time to celebrate the good stuff?
In this video, Justin and I celebrate and appreciate the HUGE steps we have taken over the last few months. After facing into one of our biggest marriage hurdles, we are finding tremendous value in taking time to appreciate one another for not giving up, and for consistently doing the work required to create a healthier version of our relationship. Has it been easy? Nope, but it has been extremely rewarding.
Justin has been changing his relationship with his peacekeeper by learning to communicate, in the moment, what he is truly feeling, thinking and desiring. Through consistently communicating, he has faced into some big fears about “rocking the boat” and disrupting the peace.
I have been learning to see my PDD (what we compassionately call Perpetual Dissatisfaction Disorder). Studies have shown that humans have a “negativity bias,” where we spend 70-80% of our thoughts focused on the negative – what is wrong with our relationship, what needs to be fixed, and what I am dissatisfied with. Instead of blindly following this well-established neural pathway in my brain, I am instead pausing and orienting towards something I appreciate. Through consistent practice we are finding that there is a great deal more joy and fun in our relationship.
We would love to hear things that you are celebrating. Feel free to share them with us here or on our website. For more free videos or to submit a topic for us to explore on camera, visit: www.DailyRelationship.com. Thank you!
~ Juna & Justin
A few weeks ago Justin and I posted a video on our biggest relationship challenge to date. It was a vulnerable process for us and we are so grateful for the overwhelming support from all of you. It has helped us to remember that we are not alone in this process. Yep, the relationship journey is no joke. 😉
Several of you requested that we create a video about the specific tools and techniques we have been using to navigate this rocky terrain. In this video, we explore 5 tools that have been instrumental during this time. And… please note, we are not out of the woods yet (ironically we shot this video in the woods), and we have made incredible headway.
The 5 tools are: 1. Cultivating Patience 2. Self-Awareness 3. Claiming 100% Responsibility 4. Taking time to Integrate 5. Getting 3rd Party Support.
To check out more of our free videos or to submit a topic for us to explore on camera, go to www.DailyRelationship.com.
Thank you all for your love and support,
Juna & Justin
Justin and I have not shot a DailyRelationship video for 3 months – the longest we have gone since starting this project over 3 years ago. Over the last few months we faced into our biggest relationship challenge to date, and it didn’t feel particularly friendly to be publicly sharing such a vulnerable, raw, and traumatic experience with all of you.
So here we are, 3 months later, after many therapy and coaching sessions, ready and willing to share what we are currently learning about what happened.
So what happened?
The gist of it is that our unresolved shadow material (individually and in the relationship) came out to bite us in the butt – to the point where we thought our marriage was over. In several of our previous videos we have spoken at length about Justin’s “peacekeeper” and my “controller”, but we had NO idea how much they had started to run amuck in our relationship.
Are we surprised this all happened? In some ways, yes. It completely blindsided us. In other ways, no, we weren’t surprised. We made one of the biggest commitments of our lives 9 months ago on an altar in Bali. We then proceeded to have two more weddings and launch two relationship E-Courses. Thus, any integrity gaps within our relationship were bound to surface.
As painful as this process has been, we are infinitely grateful that our shadow parts have surfaced AND that we have called in the essential support necessary to do this crucial work. We are certainly humbled by this process.
PS. After recently reading Jeff Brown’s book, An Uncommon Bond, I feel so grateful that we both are willing to face our shadow parts. It is my opinion that “shadow work” (aka. skillfully and compassionately working through our most unconscious material) is one of the most sustainable and healing paths towards true love, individually and in partnership.
All our love and gratitude,
Juna & Justin
Do you ever find that the most simple relationship tools are actually the most profound ones? Why is it that we often dismiss these tools just because they are so easy?
Given our physical distance from one another, Justin and I are cultivating a whole new relationship with Presence. Because he is in Bali, we are not seeing each other in the regular ole’ day to day, and instead end up only having a few hours each day where we have the opportunity to talk on the phone (we actually use WhatsAp – it is amazing and free). Because of this limited time, what we have noticed is that we are both incredibly present with one another. This “presence” is so satiating and fulfilling!
In this video we explore presence. In our experience, presence is not only giving one another our attention, but it is also how we give this attention. When we are in presence, we are listening, curious, open-hearted, and compassionate. What we are curious about is how difficult it can feel to gift each other this presence when we are in the busyness of living day to day with one another?
If you have a topic you would like us to explore on camera, feel free to share it here: Dailyrelationship.com/submit-a-topic. For more videos, check out http://www.DailyRelationship.com/, we have over 100 free relationship videos.
Sending you all our love,
Juna & Justin Milano
When you and your partner have taken extensive time apart, what changes began to emerge in yourself and your relationship? Did you have new perspectives or clarity about certain aspects of your partnership? In the absence of your partner, did you develop a greater appreciation for each other?
Justin is halfway around the world in Bali right now and we have been apart for 2 & 1/2 weeks – the longest we have ever been separated.
Lets be honest Juna, the first week was tough. It felt like someone cut off one of my limbs and trekked it to Bali without my consent. 🙂 But after that first week of shock (and some core wounds getting triggered), I started to absorb the gifts of this time apart.
Over the last several weeks we both have noticed some powerful changes in ourselves and our relationship. The most undeniable being: greater appreciation for one another. It amazes us how physical distance caters to missing one another, and as a result, appreciating one another in deeper and more meaningful ways.
The other thing that has emerged is greater clarity about reactive and unhealthy ways we were showing up in relationship with one another. It fascinates us how physical distance supports us in seeing clearly and gaining perspectives that can be so hard to see when in the day to day with one another. I am starting to think that taking some extensive time apart each year has many benefits.
If you have a topic you would like us to explore on camera, feel free to share it here: Dailyrelationship.com/submit-a-topic. For more videos, check out www.DailyRelationship.com, we have over 100 free relationship videos.
Sending you all our love…
– Juna & Justin Milano
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